How Valentine’s should be.

This evening many guys and gals are getting lucky because of this one special day. Many of us spent more money than we should’ve, thanks to the commercialization of Valentine’s Day. To be honest, the holiday is really a good and bad thing. This is coming from a dude, I know…mind blown, right?!

After some deep thinking for a few days on what I was going to get my wife. I stopped myself before I made a decision to go to the store. I realized that Valentine’s Day is really about appreciating those that we love deepest. Maybe it can be through flowers, cards and candy; but I think that doesn’t quite scratch the itch.

Valentine’s should be what the true meaning Christmas is. Appreciating what is great in life. For those of us who are fortunate enough to have a lover or companion in our life. This is a special time to let each other, I appreciate you being in life more than ever.

To be honest, I think we don’t stop to just truly LOVE AND APPRECIATE that man or woman in our lives.

So I came up with a better idea.

These are what I call Hot and Cold notes! The concept is super simple. Take two different color Post-It notes.

Make one color “sweet” and the other “sexy”.

For the “sweet” ones, I really took my time and thought about what makes my Louie, so wonderful. Some would be motivational, sweet and wholesome. While others would be about basic stuff, like about her smell, smile and what I thought was beautiful to me.

Now for the “sexy” notes, I got to have fun with them. Some of them would talk about the good things we did in bed, things that excited me and even new activities I’d like us to try. To make it work, I did avoid vulgarities. Let’s be honest, “I want to put my cock inside you.”, just doesn’t come off as romantic.

Instead, I would write “I miss feeling the heat from your mouth, as bodies move together!” Which sounds much sexier than the former.

For me, I did 91 Post-it notes. One for every month we’ve been together. Then for the “sweet” ones I placed them in “cool” areas in the house, like on fans or the refrigerator. The same is then done to the “sexy” ones, by placing them on the stove, a clothing iron or toaster.

To get creative, I used things like faucets to do BOTH on each knob or side.

Honestly, for me it took me a while to do. But was a very cheap way of reconnecting with what matters in your life.

Like the saying goes, “it’s the thought that counts!”

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The Diary of Chris Redfield (Part 1) by Racoon Daddy

 

 

This is a fictional diary that wrote that is based off of Resident Evil.  It follows directly after the first entry.  For a synopsis of Resident Evil look HERE   

I’D READ THAT FIRST IF YOU’VE NEVER PLAYED THE GAME AND DON’T INTEND TO.

OTHERWISE THIS WILL SPOIL THE STORY

WARNING!!  CONTENT NOT FOR  CHILDREN  

All rights to the original source material is owned by Capcom.

 

Diary of Chris Redfield

July 31st 1998

 

Today was a pretty shit day. Our S.T.A.R.S comrades were given a full ceremony in order to honor their deaths.  Bullshit…among those honored was Albert Wesker, the former leader of the group. That bastard betrayed us!! Yet we honor yet him?! The only thing that kept me was losing my cool was Barry.

He told me, “This is only beginning. Keep calm, you know damn well they’re watching us and we have to be careful with our moves. Losing your cool is the last thing we need.”

Normally, most folks would go grab a meal, coffee or find some place to talk. We all quietly went our separate ways.

 

August 7th 1998

It’s been two weeks since the Arkley Forest went up in smoke. Both the explosion from the mansion outbreak and murders that resulted from the mutated animals are being told another way. They’ve panned it off as wildfire and the deaths as wolf overpopulation in the wilderness. Jill went over yesterday to talk to the victims’ families and give them the truth, some were unmoved and seemed to have been “coached” by someone.  Most likely it somebody with deep pockets and plenty to hide.

It’s clear that Umbrella is covering their tracks well and aren’t sparing the expenses. It’s odd that neither Jill, Barry, Becky have said anything about any suits approaching them. Maybe they know we won’t stay quiet and are one step ahead of us.

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We’ve gotta be on alert, but I don’t think any of us can even keep our eyes open. I’m always on edge; paranoia isn’t even the word to describe it. A couple days ago, I tried to talk with Brad, but he said, “to leave me alone, you wouldn’t understand!” I’m not sure if that’s the guilt or Umbrella talking.

June 28 1998

My vacation started yesterday, I almost collapsed on the floor from the lack of sleep. Insomnia set in the moment I stepped off of that chopper. All I would remember was the ear-bleeding screams those lizard-men monsters would make.  They were so goddamn fast!!

I did everything to fight them from taking my head off my shoulders, I remember with EXACT detail. From the dinosaur-like talons, their towering height, blood drissling from their teeth the way they’d leap at you was…something that just doesn’t fucking exist!!

One got me pretty bad on my left bicep when my revolver went dry, had I not forced my knife into its skull, I’d not be here. Fortunately, Becky took care of it and I was left using my right hand only for about an hour until the drugs kicked in.

 

 

June 29 1998

 

 

Jill gave me a call around 1 A.M., saying she needed a ride back to her place. Some of the girls at the station took her out to drink, she ended up staying after they’d left and had too much. When I got there, she was shit-faced.

Jack, the owner of the bar was pretty cool about keeping her there and had her lay down in the lounge. She was trying to hide how drunk she really was. But it didn’t take long, as when we got to her place, that she left her house keys at the bar.

Helping into my apartment she stumbled and continued to ramble about how the men at the bar only looked at her as “only sweet piece of ass” and the rest as “some pariah”. The pungent smell of tequila on her breath was more or less encouraging me to make sure she got to either a toilet or the bed ASAP. Fortunately, we got there with her popping in the apartment. It looked as though everything would be fine, but she asked me to help her with her shoes. When I tried to unbuckle foot, wrapped her legs around my and forced my face right into her panties. I panicked!

Her legs became a vice trapping my face into her soaked crotch. Her scent was the direct opposite of the tequila affecting her, but had the same intoxicating effect. She told me,

“Chris, I never had a problem with you fucking my brains out! If anything is going to make me forget all of this, it’s you.”

Everything she said forced the man outside of my mind to take control and give what her drunken urges wanted. I felt so fucking wrong and everything…went black.

Then she popped…all on the carpet, the sheets and night stand.  Most guys would’ve felt robbed at this point. Jill threw up everywhere and the lust left the room. Honestly though, Jill getting sick was probably for the better.

After spending about an hour cleaning up, I crashed on the couch and cleaned up the best I could. I didn’t want to move her and pretty much made sure she was sipping water to ease the nausea.

 

 

So apparently I don’t HAVE to go to work, BUT I GOTTA WORK!

This is what Louie has told me recently!  Which I’ve kind of been trying to take up more responsibility with chores and making sure, I’m keeping the house clean.  Time and again, she’d tell me, cleaning is a turn-on for women!  WHAT?! HUH?!

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Regardless, I’ve been making some changes in my habits, in order to get the dishes done, without them piling up.

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That guy in the background?  NOT ME!  SOURCE

Also, I’ve noticed that Louie been tired as hell most nights, so I figured, that if I take the reigns on putting Grace to bed at night it would help.  I’m enjoying it more with each day!  Just so long as she is fooling around until way past her bedtime!

One of my old frustrations with the process was, that I didn’t know how coordinate or plan on how each night went.  For a long time, we would have routines, but it never seemed to work.  There would always be one of us that would be too overwhelmed with work, stress, handling too much of the housework, addressing all of our bills.  And it never seemed to work out.

Recently, I’ve been realizing that PROCRASTINATION has been our enemy! Which has led us down a path where we were not coordinating cleaning, routines and just flying by each day.    After we had discussed this, by really taking the time to figure out a plan, guess what?!  IT WORKED!  So far, things are getting better!  BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WE NEED IS….CONSISTENCY!  This means, constant coordination, I didn’t realize until now, that it’s a cornerstone to a solid marriage!

Ya see, now that I GET IT!  I’M GETTING IT…A LOT!

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SOURCE

 

 

Wayne’s World GIF

Pussy whipped… – The Witcher 3 – Part 3

WARNING!~~~~~~WARNING!  —–Spoilers for The Witcher 3, Skellige Isles

Roach (my horse) finally got sick and tired of running throughout Velen and I had my fill of unreliable friends, so I figured I’d go and search for Ciri again!  (God forbid the Wild Hunt hadn’t killed her ass by now, with all of the time, I’d spent killing and saving womanizers!)

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Greatest Womanizer EVER!! Or as Louie calls him, Double-O Rapey

 

Obviously, Ciri has more frequent flyer miles than Alec Baldwin and his venture card.  How was I supposed to keep up with that, simple… get someone else to sail me to her last spot.  Lucky me, I end up being boarded by a bunch of marauders and guess who kicks my ass…the ship itself.   Crashing ashore the ship mast smacked me in the head and tossed me to the sand.  (Brings a whole new meaning to SMH)

On the beach, some wise ass figured he was gonna rob me; instead he picks a fight with me and ends up getting his ass handed to him, posthaste!

For some reason, I had a feeling, simply by setting my feet on the Skellige Isles, thievery was the tip of the iceberg here!  Apparently, the locals here pride of robbing, raping, pillaging and burning shit down!  (Essentially, they’re Vikings)  One example that comes to mind, is where a letter is written posthumously to his newborn son.  He writes, and I’m paraphrasing this.  Seek revenge on those who killed me, become a man by pillaging and plundering those responsible for my death.  Yeah!  Good family values!

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Using my trusty HUD….errrr map, I found THE women I was looking for, Yennifer, who I’m still puzzled why the fuck Geralt is in love with this BITCH!!  I mean, she is a real fucking ICE QUEEN!  Admittedly, she is smoking hot…really hot!  But she’s just got a effin’ heart of stone.  In comparison to Triss, is a MUCH better match for this guy.   Actually, let’s take a minute and do a compare and contrast!

Yen

-Cold bitch

-ALWAYS wears black

-Pretty much blowing the Emperor’s dong to get what she wants

-Keeps a stuffed unicorn

-Has Geralt pussy-whipped…seriously

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Hot or ICE COLD, I’ll go with the latter!

-Been the plot device and “love” interest for the series

-Yet she seems like she can’t stand Geralt

-Has zero remorse, empathy or care for anyone EXCEPT herself!

-Is ALWAYS deceptive to Geralt, which is annoying!

The EMPEROR says ?!

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Triss

-Is actually likable as a traveling companion  (Not a F*ckn bitch!)

-An emotional polar opposite to Yen in personality

-Mysterious but NOT deceptive, cruel and ACTUALLY gives a fuck about the people in the world

-Actually dresses in more than two colors

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Now in Technicolor!!!!

-Genuinely cares for Geralt

-Keeps the mementos and gifts that Geralt has given her!

-The rebound chick!

-Geralt got anmesia and she pretty much seduced him, but let’s be real he wasn’t complaining!  Even after he got his memory back!!
Yeah…I’ll pick the woman with the heart that beats.

The Chuck Says?!

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Back to what we were talking about.

Turns out that, not only is Yen kind of using Geralt, but it seems she’s trying to involve herself in the local power struggle.  Turns out the king here, just died and now everyone wants a piece.  As much as I try to get an answer from the “love of my life” (Geralt’s love), she just keeps saying, “in due time”, “oh, you’ll find out”, ya know….ARRRGH!!!  Just face it, she’s the bad guy, I know it!  But Geralt isn’t about to stop thinking with his dick and maybe handle business on his terms.

Meanwhile, during all this time between her using me to steal a magical item that probably would’ve doomed Skellige, and only led us in another direction and NOT to Ciri’s location.  Gotta love this wild goose chase!

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YAY!!!  Wild Goose Chases!!!!

On the plus side, me and Yen spent some quality time together and knocked boots.          ON THE FUCKING STUFFED UNICORN!!

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There’s good kinky and then there’s stuffed unicorns.  Bet the bronies loved this one!

 

 

Tecmo! Where the hell did your sanity go?!?!

Dead or Alive 5/Ultimate/Last Round & Core Fighters

 

For about two years, I’ve been playing Dead or Alive 5 off and on.  At first, it was a solid fighter with a MUCH better effort into making a story mode, like many of the current fighting games are doing.  (Which was mostly non-existent before DOA 3)

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Sadly, there is a very solid fighter here with so much more to it!

It still retained many of its other features from the last 4 entries into the series. Which were: a basic Arcade mode, Versus, Survival Mode, Time Attack and Training. The system in Dead or Alive, if your not familiar with it is based on timing, juggling and countering; except it’s highly simplified as opposed to more technical fighters like Tekken, Street Fighter or Virtual Fighter.  Overall, Dead or Alive is a solid fighting game.

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The online system is well implemented into ALL of the modes, which allow fight invites EVEN in practice mode!!  (Which can be turned off!)  Training is executed well and most of the most of the modes have remained the same.  (Which is a good thing!)  The story mode will actually last a couple days and about 4 hours of dedicated time, if you don’t skip the scenes!

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DOA never really got over the whole clone fighter shtick! *cough* KASUMI! *cough*

However, there is something VERY different with Dead or Alive…which is the excessive emphasis on overly sexualized characters.  Which means that EVERY girl fighter is blessed large boobs, Playboy bunny bodies and skimpy outfits.  (Its been like this since DOA on the Playstation.)

The develops have known that “sex sells”, which went from having unrealistic breast physics that moonbounced as you played.  (seriously) To having them be more contoured to a female characters body and steadily as each title came in, the physics became more realistic.  To me, it seems like the developers are far too obsessed with Japanese swimsuit idols.

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Ooooops!!  Did your fireworks go off, in your hand…to bad!  Don’t mind me while I kick your teeth in now, Tee Hee!
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You’ve come to the right beach!!  Just so you know, I’M A CANNIBAL!!!!
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Okay…OK. Repeat what you just said.  Uh huh…Uh huh.  I’m sorry, ONE MORE TIME!

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Because people REALLY want to see a 14-year old girl in skimpy outfits! *obvious sarcasm*

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Don’t FIGHT me…MOUNT me! 

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, and all shapes and shades are always appreciated.  But it doesn’t make it sexy, only sleezy.  Which is what has bothered me in terms of Dead or Alive, they can’t get beyond their over-sexualized presentation.  Tecmo has a good fighter and fall back on the teen aged presentation of lady characters.  If your going to make them sexy, stop giving them one-dimensional personalities, better and realistic dialogue and give the ladies some real shapes and proportions.

This is actually a statement made by the Tecmo/Team Ninja Staff!

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You know what I smell?!?!!?!

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Courtesy of blackreverend @deviantart.net

Also, a horrible practice of Tecmo/Team Ninja’s is how they release and price their DLC.  After you’ve purchased a game that around $33.  However, COMPLETELY OPTIONAL, there are costumes for all of the characters, that could’ve been priced or made available through a freemium money system.  But NO, you MUST lay down cold, hard, cash!!!  These are the numbers for DOA Last Round, which is most recent update.

“Actually if you didn’t buy anything previously there are:
3 season passes for $92.99 each
The Ultimate Content Set also for $92.99
The Honoka Debut set for $7.49
The Last Getaway set for $24.99
Ninja pack bundle for $5.99
The Premier Sexy Set $14.99
and finally the Showstoppers Encore for $11.99
That adds up to $437.41 .”

Thanks to GameFAQ.com user, Sky7176 for this post.  You can find the full discussion here:  http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/835976-dead-or-alive-5-last-round/73036324

For those interested in their DLC here is a few picks of the good and the bad from my opinion.

THE GOOD

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Hey buddy!  You spotted me!  I know I know, that makes me a shit ninja!  But if you don’t run, I have a some ninja magic that will make you crap your pants!!  YOUR CHOICE!
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Honestly, if I were to see a hipster on the street with a fashionable eye-patch.  It’s not going to be fashionable anymore. 😉
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Hey Kokoro, you might want to stop posing and start RUNNING!!!
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OK OK, I got a thing for this whole outfit!
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Oh yeah, Ayane!  You can swallow my………fist, ANY DAY!                                          (Swallowing fists are a turn-on for me, DON’T YOU JUDGE!!!!)
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NOW THIS IS SEXY…Just DON’T take off the trench coat!  Yep, that’s it…………………. OWWWW!! WTF, THAT’S MY EYE!!!
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At least she getting a nice tan, while she’s breaking your FACE!
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RYU!  This isn’t even FAIR!  I’m not a demon, YOU ALREADY KILLED THEM ALL!              Ryu?!….RYU????!!!
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If you’re going to dress like a goddess, the rule is, THE LESS, THE BETTER!
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Hell!!!!  You win dude, I’m officially fuckin’ scared!  No…Really you win!  Go fight Scorpion or Liu Kang or some shit!!
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Elvishly Sexy!!
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OK OK!  It would just be SOOOO awesome if Leon could put people in sleeper holds!

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I’m gonna give you a clothesline, you can’t refuse, capiche?!

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You’ve got to admit, IT’S BADASS!!
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This one gives the lady fans some justice!  The tats are kinda nice!

THE BAD

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OK, seriously?!?!  We may as just wrestle it out like the Greeks did and get naked.  Just remember nothing below the belt!!
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I wore this as a special occasion, do you like it!!!  *Fighter gets a boner/ladyboner* *SMASH!!!!*  Opponent gets his/her teeth KNOCKED OUT!!!
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You think THIS oufit is KINKY?!?!  You should see what the guys who made this game are wearing!!!!
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I’m going to kick yer ass, WHILE sticking my breasts back in this every 10-15 seconds!  Booyah!
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Be VEWRY VEWRY quiet, I’m honking wabbits!
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THIS LEAVES SOOOOOOO MUCH TO THE IMAGINATION!!  It must be the mask!                     (So…mysterious!)

I’d gonna let this out now, DoA 5 is the best example of a game milking players out of their hard earned cash out of the gamers…  When it was first released, it already had enough content, but Team Ninja/Tecmo kept churning out costume DLC for this game and setting Apple-like prices for the content.  To be honest, I shouldn’t support their game, NOT because of the over-sexualized costume design and unrealistic boob physics it has.  But because of the way market their product.  My opinion; don’t buy this game, avoid the trap of getting ANY DLC for this and play the FREE core fighters version.  (but don’t rope yourself into buying the characters, they change them around every week for FREE!)  IF you like it, buy the full game at Amazon/Newegg/etc for a THIRD of the price it’s listed on PSN.